I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
