As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
