We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
