no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
