john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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