I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize