College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
