Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
