On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
