I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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