Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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