you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
