I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize