dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize