Screwed.edu
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
