...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
