It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
