I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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