I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
