I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
