i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
