so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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