I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize