so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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