life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
home. puking in laundry basket.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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