Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
