Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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