The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Liz is crying about burritos again.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
