last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Pants are for mortals
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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