Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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