there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
