I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
