Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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