I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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