let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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