cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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