and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
