He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize