fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize