I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
