I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Panties = found
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