Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
