Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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