Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
