I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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