He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize