her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
