he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
