He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
