I puked a lego.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
