yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
