Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
