Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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