I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
