I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
