I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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