a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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