are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
