Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
