Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
