Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
