I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
