This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
