Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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