well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
