I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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