grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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