why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
