i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
