Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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